Aren’t You Angry?

I’ve been asked that question several times since the fall…  Since it was clear that the treatment from Burzynski wasn’t going as hoped…   Since Tristan wasn’t able to participate in the program he’d researched, but was directed to a much more potent, toxic treatment that was excrutiatingly expensive…  Since funds we thought would last a year, barely covered two full months of treatment and another month of clinic bills…with little to spare…  Since the next suggestion for treatment was to DOUBLE the existing protocol…  Since finally Tristan had to opt out of the Burzynski treatment…  Since it seemed our flicker of hope was about to be extinguished.

Angry?

We always acknowledged that we could not promise healing or demand a cure.  Our collective mission was to provide hope.  In order to do that, we also had to provide funds.  We took that task seriously, and together with an extraordinary and loving community around the world, we accomplished our goal.  We were able to provide funds for Tristan and Marion to have access to expertise that was not available in our own country.  They had the opportunity to explore the possibilities that existed outside our borders.  People, strangers, purveyors of hope, gave of themselves, their funds, their hearts; ministering angels rallied round the Taylors in the City of Houston, making them welcome. Each and every one of us affirming  that they were loved and cared for.

Angry?

Our goal for fundraising was realized.  We raised an incredible $100,000.00!!!!  We met amazing, generous, kind, warm-hearted people who gave sacrificially and who gave out of plenty.  Tristan and Marion were assured that they were not forsaken in their battle for Tristan’s health and life.

Angry?

Without a doubt there is a plethora of circumstance and painful experience to incense even the most phlegmatic of personalities, but that would be a poor use of emotional resources at this point.  I could write a book on issues along the way that have caused my sanctification to slip tremulously askew.  Some day I just might do that.  But for now, there’s no time for squandered emotion.

Personally, I choose to just breathe… in and out, in and out…. and thank God for family, for the time I had recently to spend with my precious nephew Tristan.  Time to talk, to share experiences, to probe that wonderful storehouse of knowledge that Tristan has garnered in all his studies, to listen, to love, to just be.    I will treasure our “Health Halloween”… the gathering and dividing of all the “freebies” given by a Victoria health convention, an experience that we all enjoyed so much we went back for a second batch the next day!  How homey our meandering through “Capital Iron” (they have EVERYTHING!)  and sitting in the camping section with Tristan and just talking…visiting at another sister’s house with three generations chatting, sharing, just enjoying each other’s company…. And how precious was the hug goodbye, as I left the Taylor home to eventually return the thousands of miles back to my own hearth in Hungary.

trick or treat?

Trick or treat?

Angry?

I love my family passionately.  I am thankful to every one of you who have loved them too.  This journey is not over.  We still need you.  We need each other.  The time we have together is precious.  So often as we race through the days we forget that it’s time that can never be regained.  Better are those moments spent in love and caring than in bitterness and anger.

IMG_3616

Marion with great neice Kat…

“Anger … it’s a paralyzing emotion … you can’t get anything done. People sort of think it’s an interesting, passionate, and igniting feeling —- I don’t think it’s any of that —- it’s helpless … it’s absence of control —- and I need all of my skills, all of the control, all of my powers … and anger doesn’t provide any of that —- …”       (Toni Morrison)

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~ by tristansgiftofhope on March 3, 2013.

2 Responses to “Aren’t You Angry?”

  1. How marvelous the time you were able to spend together and the memories you’ve made! I’m so glad for that – what a precious gift.

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